When I woke up today I was hooked to 3 infusion pumps and not allowed anything but clear liquids. I needed dilaudid just to get 3 broken hours of sleep.
By 9am I was unhooked from all tubes.
By 10am I was told I can eat anything on the “low-fiber” menu as long as I ate slowly and chewed everything 1000 times before swallowing.
By 11am I drank about 4 sips of The Daily Bird delivered by the inimitable Ellie Piper. I couldn’t do the whole thermos because *gestures broadly* but Ellie took one for the team and had her 3rd coffee of the day so it didn’t go to waste.
By 1pm I had learned how to give myself injections of blood thinners I will need to do for the next 30 days, had dammed the leak in my belly button, and was moved completely over to oral medication for painkillers and muscle relaxants that are the only thing keeping me from screaming 24/7
My sister stopped by and that was nice. She was extra kind and didn’t make me laugh at all so I wouldn’t turn inside out. In return I only talked mild shit about her husband ABANDONING HER IN HER TIME OF NEED TO GO SEE DAVE MATTHEWS OF ALL THINGS.
By 4pm I was scheduled for a last CT scan to set a new baseline for any remaining lesions in my liver and all but told I am getting discharged tomorrow.
I had a really rough afternoon with pain but my nurse is incredible and I took the opoids and other advice and in 30 minutes I will get in the radioactive tube and in an hour I will get some more pills that will hopefully let me sleep and then tomorrow I can go make a mess in our own home again.
Oh. I pooped three times today. Each time the equivalent of someone stomping on a bottle of hershey syrup. So weird. I am a machine that turns alfredo into pain and brown slime.