I mostly only talk here about side-effects and physical maladies, and there is a new one today: my hands are now curling into uncontrollable claws randomly throughout the day, which makes it difficult to put on pants, or do dishes, or type, like I need to do for my job so I can keep having insurance and heat and shelter and all that. It doesn’t last very long at least. I don’t really have much else to say about that problem though except it’s annoying and I hope it clears up before I have to cap’n my ship into uncharted waters. Just another thing.
I don’t share enough about how much time I spend thinking about how I am trapped on a metaphorical planet made of turds and how all my friends are like individual sunrises over the horizon every time I see them or talk to them or just think about them. I am so grateful to share time and space with you all.
That “Liking Gap” meme that’s been flying around lately is super real and if you have ever felt it existed between me and whoever you are, I assure you it is measured in light years. I like you a lot more than you will ever know. I am not very good at showing it, at least up to now, but I am looking forward to practicing.
I also spend a lot of time listening to birds way too early in the morning (and way too early in the year) and looking at trees and generally basking in the corniness of the interconnectedness of all things. It’s partly due to, you know, life-threatening cancer, and partly due to being physically or mentally blocked from doing stuff that I used to use to distract me from life going on and being something to face and process.
I still watch too much TV, and there’s this fortress full of dwarfs to wrangle inside the computer box, but hopefully my brain will warm up along with the weather and I can *DO* stuff and *GO* places soon and on into the future. It’s weird to want to plan, but not quite be at the point where it feels safe to plan. Everything is weird. Cancer is fucking weird.
You’re all rad. I love you all very much. That’s all.