Tomorrow morning I get hooked up for the last chemo cycle of this round, and after the pump comes off on Saturday morning we officially enter Surveillance! My CEA markers are still very slightly elevated, but the ctDNA test came back 0, all the rest of my numbers are good, and my last scan was clean, so I am starting the next phase of this adventure in about as good a shape as I can imagine.
The clinic this morning was more emotional than I expected, even though it’s not even close to the last time I will be seeing them. Just hearing good news from an Oncologist is such a treat, and followed with “Are you excited for your last chemo?” got me a little choked up. I think Ellie felt it too, but I would not deign to speak for her. It was a really good Wednesday morning. I don’t know that I would still be here if it wasn’t for the astounding talent and care of the folks I have been working with at Froedtert. I say that very seriously. I credit them all as lifesavers in a way I don’t think I have ever thought about another human being before.
My next scan is on April 3, and after that I’ll be getting peeked at every 3 months, with a visit to flush my port in-between each visit. If I am extremely lucky and beat all the odds, that means I will be visiting the hospital every 6 weeks or so instead of multiple times per month. I have to be very very lucky.
I am facing the future clear-eyed about what it means to be a metastatic cancer patient. This is only the end of the beginning, but I am still here and stronger than I expected to be at this point and only getting stronger. Except the smells. I am ready to be less smelly. If more spots pop up, we’ll deal with them the same way we deal with every problem. Fart jokes, willpower, and pure stubbornness. Also poisonous chemicals and radioactive substances.
I can’t ever thank everyone enough for all the laughter and care and kind thoughts and meals (oh my god the food! You all need to share recipes with me, I am dying to recreate the food bestowed upon us) and gifts and tools and stickers and comfort and support you provided non-stop for the past 7 and a half months. I am absurdly fortunate in so many ways. All I can do is surf along on waves of love and kindness.
I will see as many of you as I can face-to-face as soon as my face is safe to stick into public spaces. If there is ANYthing I can do with whatever my skillset is (owning a truck, math homework, talking about poop, making vinyl decals and amateur embroidery, coffee delivery, etc) all you need to do is shine the Matt Signal and I will be there.
RW24 cultists like to say “Everyday is a bonus checkpoint” as a shorthand for so much goodness and as a reminder to pay attention to the moment. I intend to win at life purely on bonus points from here on out.