If you had the opportunity to get outside in 80F weather in WI in late October today and didn’t take it, I am sad.
I am not judging you, I have skipped nice days before, and all reasons are valid. I am just sad thinking about it, because I haven’t ridden my bike since the RW24, and I haven’t gotten to go hiking or camping or even my usual The-grocery-store-is-5-miles-away-but-I-really-want-a-specific-brand-of-frozen-pizza-and-I-have-good-shoes tromping around the neighborhood. I miss moving around so much.
I am feeling sorry for myself. Which I know myself well enough to know is a symptom of anxiety. I am nervous because the idea of surgery freaks me out only a tiny bit less than the idea of not being able to have surgery and that decision point is coming up quick. I will face whatever comes like I always try to do, a little bit of whining, a little bit of joking around, and head first.
I just geared up with my walking stick and managed to make it all the way around the block before I was too exhausted to continue. It was worth it, even if maybe not the very best idea. Most of my brain still thinks it’s summer, because of the trauma stamp of when I was diagnosed, so being outside in the dark in the warm breeze was something I needed, even if the leaves on the ground are confusing.
A whole gang of people did a lot of really nice things for me today, and I have tallied them all up on my Love Grudge list for future positive revenge. I am extremely lucky and very grateful. I can’t wait to figure out what my physical limits are going to be so I can push them giving back for all that I have been given over the past 3 months. And the 49 years before that.
Happy Tuesday!