One hour before an appointment and I am reaching a level of high-velocity low-viscosity rear-end mass-ejection that NASA would be proud of in one of their rockets. I gotta stop getting cocky. It’s cancer. It’s always gonna find a way to fuck me over. Supposed to be quiet and hidden, like a little mouse. Gotta […]
I don’t want to jinx anything but it appears that with judicious use of sparse frequent meals and timing of drugs I am transitioning from pendulum swinging back and forth between 3-9 on a 10 point nausea scale to a state of wonderment at what the hell has been done to my stomach lining? It’s […]
It’s only been 47 days since the doc kicked my back door in and surprised Colon Robinson in his slumber. 46 since the party in my liver was rowdy enough to discover. Feels like a year. It’s 2am and I am awake because I am always awake in the middle of the night because the […]
Tonight’s Ttam Chemo Night School subject: Intractable hiccoughs. Yes, that is how that is spelled you heathens. Yes, that’s my new one-man-band/ventriloquist act name (How does he do it? Don’t hurt ’em Ttammer!) I have done some shit to my digestive and nervous systems that culminates in a circumstance where my stomach really really wants […]
My blood is good. Normal human blood. Nothing weird. Tomorrow I start the new chemo regimen, which is twice the drugs of the last one and I get to wear a pump for 48 hours. Exciting! Guaranteed diarrhea! A multiple day schedule of a cocktail of anti-nausea meds and steroids! BTW, if you want a […]
I have not posted anything for a few days because nothing much is going on. I am on an off week before I change over to the new chemo, and the last couple days have just been nausea and heartburn as expected. Today I feel like a regular human except I was real dumb and […]
It was hella Monday today. Garfield style. I had a bad night. Lots of angst and discomfort and couldn’t sleep and then the nausea kicked in about 4am. I tried to fix it with ginger candy and a late night oatmeal bar but finally had to admit that it was not just a little stress, […]
Day 31. The most tired. All the way tired. I got to see my parents today which was super fun and hilarious as always. The steri strips finally came off the port sites and the one that got a little squirrelly is only gonna leave a little scar. That upper spot for guiding the catheter […]
Day 10 of chemo. I don’t have a lot to report today. I slept like shit, and when I was asleep I dreamed of pulling my own guts out. Gave up on unconsciousness at 4am. Easier to be tired. I am very tired. That’s the main thing today. So so tired. The only notable thing […]
Last November/December I started noticing a lot of digestive problems: cramping, fresh blood streaks in my more solid turds, random diarrhea but only small amounts, gas like I just got fracked, etc. I figured at the time it was lactose intolerance coming for me, or gluten issues, or IBS maybe. I have abused my organs […]
It’s been 27 days since this started, and I am 7 days into the first round of chemo. Yesterday was a pretty OK day, and I spent it acting as normal as I know how. Today has been pretty OK as well. I think I am having the common experience of early chemo not being […]
Current emotional status, Day 26 since the words “Matt” and “cancer” were joined in a sentence over the phone to me, at work. Me leaning over a metal book-truck and writing “cancer” on a piece of scratch paper with a golf pencil. Imagine one of your most intense fever dreams. Stretch it out for 26 days […]
JFC it’s only been 4 days. Time is an illusion, but in the wrong direction. I feel better than yesterday, but I can definitely tell that the drugs are fucking with my cells now, and I am not looking forward to how these feelings are going to progress when I get to the “real” parts […]
Today started at 2:30AM with nausea, and has ended with diarrhea. In between, spreadsheets. That sounds pretty bad, but it’s not too different from a normal Thursday for me, so I’ll take it. More of the very pinnacle of humanity have given me gifts of food and help and support and words of encouragement and […]
Good morning! Although Matt slept only four hours last night (he had a three-hour nap yesterday evening), he assures me he wasn’t up all night feeling sick and/or worrying. Instead he says his brain was just like [cue singsong voice], “doop-de-doo!” This is mildly concerning to me, only because his brain is usually like [cue […]
Chemo is weird and scary and it really helps to have a partner that you are open with to keep your head on straight. Ellie keeps me facing forward always. Yesterday was easier than I feared, and it made me a little cocky at some points. Confidence is important but I also have to approach […]
This morning I start genetic counseling to see how scary this is to my littermates and other relations. I hope to get a call this afternoon after the Tumor Board meets with an idea which of the many complicated treatment routes my team thinks will give me the best path through these dark times. Chemo […]
A recap of the past two weeks and the current state of my guts as far as we can tell: I went for a colonoscopy two weeks ago thinking that the doctor would see some polyps and maybe tell me I have IBS or something that would explain the digestive issues I was experiencing this […]